Fortunately for offspring who lack from the beginning the big blue eyes, the magic smile, the star personality, the things that make them “special” to everyone, there are mothers. These mothers of lesser lights believe rabidly, deep in their hearts (yes, I know there are exceptions and that generalizations are a slippery slope) their infants possess a magic that is special too. That magic shines for them with a candlepower equal to landing lights guiding jet liners onto runways.
Some mothers take more than a passive role in laying the groundwork for their unborn. How they attempt to smooth the sheets of fate on their unborn infant’s bed of life varies wildly of course. Norma’s grandmother warned about the consequences to an expectant mother of being startled by a homely animal. If a cat surprised a pregnant mom with an unexpected leap from behind a chair, the baby girl grew whiskers on her upper lip. An awkward one tumbles into the pigpen and her little darling grows a nose that….well, you get the picture.
Norma was far too modern for that sort of nonsense. She paved the way for her only son with the same dedication to order that she lavished on her home where everything was in its place (always) and spotlessly clean. Her grass was perfect, her birdbath sparkled, and her kitchen was a benchmark. She planned for Tony to be perfect too. That would not be easy for him to pull off as his years spun out believe me, but that part of the story comes later. Who wants to drag suicide into things when the little chap is just mastering toilet training?
Norma was not content to keep the recognition of Tony’s uniqueness a private, warm glow in her breast. She wanted to make others, especially mothers, feel it as well. While Tony was still curled in the dark of her womb Norma, a very vocal member of a local evangelical congregation, went to the altar one Sunday in her sixth month, lumbered to her knees and beseeched God loudly for a special son (how she knew it was a boy is anyone’s guess, but she did), a son that would be called to the ministry. Forgive me, I know I promised not to jump ahead, but I can’t resist. Tony would be special all right but it turned out that Norma and God had different ideas. Tony turned out to be gay. We can come back to that if anyone wants more details during the Q & A.
As I said, Norma loved to show other mothers how things were “done”. Tony was always immaculate for example. Never, and I do mean never, did he run about with snot dried on his cheek or grass stains on his knees. Even his toilet training was carried out with special, elevated language. Other children, when the urge struck, ran to their mommies and announced urgently (sometimes too late) “po po mama” or “do do ma”. Not Tony. He was hardly walking when he would rush up to Norma tug at the strings of her crisp apron, look up with his adorable big brown eyes and chirp “Mama, Mama make do”.