For tennis lovers only...

Time for another tennis vent.

Today I subbed in a group I used to play with regularly. I stopped playing with them because they don't really like to play fast paced tennis. They hate when the person at net hits an overhead and they freak if the ball comes AT them too fast. I like fast paced doubles, so I opted out of the group. Since they reached out to me today, I figured I'd jump in and enjoy and hour and a half of free tennis.

Anyway, a woman who I played singles against Monday. (She beat me 6-0, 6-1) was one of my opponents today. She's a very good player, but she likes to play little head games. I'll call her Betty.

At one point in the match I attempted to hit a hard shot down the alley from the baseline. My ball went a little to the right and came straight at Betty's chest. She stuck out her racquet and deflected the ball, winning the point. She had a really pissy look on her face and she hissed, "That was RIGHT AT MY HEAD!!"

Cut me a break lady. I never try to hurt anyone, you won the point, get over it.

Fast forward to a break. My other opponent, we'll call her Veronica, let us all feel her stomach. She was just getting back to playing after a tummy tuck. We all oohed and ahhed about how hard and flat her stomach was and complimented her on how great she looks.

We then resumed play. I'm at net and my opponent hits a ball at me, HARD. (It's okay when they do it.) I stick out my racquet and the ball flies at Veronica the tummy tuck lady, ricochets off her racquet and hits her in the belly.

I could tell she was alright, and I joked "good thing your stomach is so hard!" No one laughed. My opponents just pursed their lips and shook their heads and looked at each other as if to say, "can you believe this psycho tried to bash you in your tummy tuck, ON PURPOSE."

For a few games I played very gentle tennis, so as not to offend Veronica and Betty. After I hit a few bloopers that they returned very easily, I decided I wasn't going to play the game they wanted me to play, I was going to play MY game. We ended up winning the third set 6-1.

I find it very annoying. If you're afraid of the ball, don't go to net. If you DO go to net, keep your eye on the ball, keep your feet moving, and shut your pie hole.

DON'T tell me how to hit the ball so you can return it. The object of the game is hitting the ball so your opponent CAN'T return it. Seriously, read the rule book, that's the whole point of the game. If you want to sit around and chat invite me to lunch.

Do I make myself clear?