Wait 'til next week!!!

Sparks are gonna fly!!!

Here's a little more for you...

Some bonus footage of Bethenny's second date with Phillipe, who I think is so HOT!!!

I need your guidance...

Mother's Day (May 10th) always coincides with my birthday (May 12th.) This year I've decided I'd like to get a really nice good quality everyday summer bag.

The question is...which one to get??

Here's a chance for you to shop without spending a dime.

Here are some that I like.

Hobo International Multi Braid Strap Shopper in Saffon

In Ivory?

or perhaps, in Mocha...

How 'bout this sweet little Michael Kors Astor Large Slouch Bag? This one comes in ivory too.

Let's start with these. I'm kind of digging the Michael Kors in the camel color.

How about you? Your opinion is important...

It is f*cking cold.

I didn't think that Brisbane got cold.

But I think my memory is rather poor because it is fucking freezing right here! Maybe it is also because I never rode bikes out in Samford Valley when I lived here before. Samford valley and surrounds being about 5 or so degrees colder!

I thought my legs weren't working, but persevered on my ride for 2hrs.

Coming home, I was riding up Samford rd out of the valley, when suddenly the temperature picks up a couple of degrees. By the time I have descended back into Ferny Grove, it's almost pleasant.

Tomorrow I do multiple river loops and Coot-tha's to keep warm!

Meanwhile, in my spare time I am reading The Secret River by Kate Grenville. Really, really good and thoroughly recommended.

Critical Mass

My skin has reached the Michael Jackson Vitiligo stage, my hair is a stringy mess of layers and my house looks like an episode of Oprah where she humiliates people who's lives have gotten out of control.

Today is the day to change all that. I have a hair appointment at 10, my cleaning lady arrives at noon, and a spray tan at 2.

After I put a band aid on this mess, I will proceed to get to the nitty gritty of purging old winter clothes, paying bills and filing all the important documents lying in piles around the kitchen.

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

I seriously think I have to let myself go. Keeping up the hair, working out, all that shit. Too time consuming. Waste of time. If I could just let go of the VANITY!!!

Gotta go. Time to clean up the mess that is currently my life.

Just look at their smug, toothy grins...

Why is it that EVERYONE in the world under the age of 25 is getting married, and why is it that so many of them are complete idiots??? Did I not get the memo about travelling upstream and selecting a mate?
At least when I'm 28, I won't be divorced with two kids and STRETCHMARKS, hahaha....

Niner (9r) Air9

Check this out:

Hmmm...I love my Canno race bike but I also like big wheels.

N+1 theory is accurate!

Sunny Series wrap-up

Mt Crosby, I have decided, is a fu*king gruelling course. On par with Illanbah when you're dying on the climbs!

The start strait consisted of a grass climb, creeping up to an off-camber singletrack descent past the start finish, then u-turning into yet another nasty edge-of-saddle climb.

Eventually, after a few more steep switchbacks, the course turn back onto the grassy road, a few hundred metres from the first turn off, and pins it down a long fireroad/rutten/grassy descent.

From there, it's all up hill—on grassy double-track. While not steep, the slow grass hill is annihilating, and is followed by a nasty rock garden, some 'snakes and ladders' chutes, and some sandy/rocky off camber singletrack before the final few fireroad/double track creek crossings that bring you back to the start/finish.

For a 6km course, the climbing is mind-numbing. Starting off well—Connie Silvestri and I fought it out up the first climb while the rest of the ladies field lagged a few hundred metres in the first minutes. I gained pole-position into the singletrack—a good move as I gained a gap, until I cam unstuck up one of the steep switchbacks.

Maintained my lead, seeing stars, until the fireroad, where she blasted past me. kept behind her up the hell-climb, she pulled ahead a bit though I caught up to her in the technical snakes and ladders.

Holding on was busting my lungs, she had a few seconds gap through the first lap. I tried to move forward, but was forced to settle into my own rhythm in order to not blow up.

I was smashing into stuff left right and centre today, and wasn't riding very proficiently at all!

I was surprised to come in, 5 minutes in arrears, in second place with Jo a few minutes behind me.

Fellow KOMrade, Aido Lefmann (aka: Sweepee) managed to smash the field, taking out a strong Mark Frendo in order to grab the win.

Men's podium: L—R, Glenn Stewart, Mark Frendo, Aiden Lefmann, Dave Whitney and Simon Freidrikson.

KOMrade Glenn 'Glenny Boy' Stewart also rode well despite lacking the training recently due to uni and lady obligations.

KOMrade Matty Dall also rode strong in the B-grade men, and proudly proclaimed that he 'wasn't overtaken by any stupid-kook bike 29ers'. Ha!

Thanks also to Donna 'DH' Dall for feeding and keeping us all upright!

Oh the pain, the lung busting, leg quashing pain. But it's over now, so I can remember it with fond memories, the painful bit fading...

Orange You Glad You Read Caffeine Court???

The thermometer topped off at 85 degrees today in Coastal New Jersey, which meant unless I wanted to die of heat exhaustion, I had to show a little skin.

My Irish German skin hasn't seen sunlight since October, so needless to say, I'm pretty pasty.

Thank goodness for self-tanning technology. I consider myself a pioneer in sunless tanning. When I was 7 I used to dip into my mom's QT tanner in an attempt to achieve the California bronze look promised in the ads.

Since then I've tried it all, self-tanners, spray tan booths and air brush tans. I've sported the Oompa Loompa look, the streaky blotchy ankles and the spray tan stained white t-shirts. I've made alot of mistakes, but after a great deal of trial and error, I have ALMOST perfected the art of a natural looking fake tan.

What you need to look natural: #1 Exfoliate the crap out of your skin. Which basically entails taking a loofah and a body scrub and removing the top layer of your skin.

#2 Find a good spray tanning salon and go with the LIGHTEST possible formula. Unless you are naturally very dark, this looks the best.

#3 Moisture like crazy all week. Eventually your bod starts will start to look like Michael Jackson's Vitiligo, at which time you repeat step #1.

Got it???

I know what you're going to say next, "Let's see pictures!!!" It ain't gonna happen people. I'm still working on the ass shoot. If that's successful, maybe I'll branch out to a before and after spray tan shoot, complete with shots of me in my black bra and underwear "assuming the position" at my local spray tanning salon.

I'll do anything for a good blog post.


Mt Crosby tomorrow.

Ow. My ankle hurts, or more precisely, my metatarsal fracture thingo in my foot hurts.

However, this won't deter me—tomorrow is the fourth round of the 2009 Sunshine Series.

The round is being hosted by Kenmore Cycles at the privately-owned Mt Crosby track.

The track itself is quite like Illanbah—nasty grass climb to make up some distance.

Unlike Illanbah, however, the course has some fun bits. And some slightly techo rock sections.

Will keep this blog posted, it should be fun!

Hey there strangers!!

I wanted to pop in to say hi, but I can only visit with you for a second.

I wrote all about how I loved the idea of not over scheduling my children, when the reality is that this week is crazy busy. Lacrosse games, sleepover parties, tennis, t-ball, the school talent show...along with the regular school days. Crazy I tell you.

Next week will be better.

On a happy note, my daughter Meg sang a solo in her school talent show last night and it was beautiful. She's shy by nature, but boy does she love to step into the spotlight. I'm really proud of her.

The bad part is that the audience at the show was so RUDE!! Kids were trying to perform and everyone was talking really loud. Finally one of my friends stood up and FLIPPED out on all the obnoxious kids in the bleachers. It was classic. She scared the crap out of everyone for about 10 minutes, and then they started back up. I give her credit. Too bad the other parents and the teachers let their kids run wild.

The show runs for 3 hours, so tonight will be another long night of sitting in the audience with a bored 5 year old, surrounded by parents with grins glued on their exhausted faces.

It's all worth it to see the proud look on my daughter's face when she steps onto the stage.

On with the show!!!!Justify Full.

Metatarsal stress fucker!

Well, I think it's pretty safe to say that I have buggered my foot.

two weeks ago I rolled my ankle, and despite some swelling and limping for a few days it was pretty normal.

Anyway, now my metatarsal region is swollen, and hurts like buggery. Walking, cycling, hanging out it's all the same. And this sucks, because the only way to heal stress fractures is to just stay off them

And therein lies my problem!

Funky Jill aka Spoiled Middle Class Biotch Whines About How She Has Too Much To Do And Can't Play Enough Tennis

I've been in a bit of a "funk" the past couple of days.

Like most of us, I do alot. I'm in charge of the silent auction for a big fundraiser on May 20th, I'm class mom. I'm on the Art Show Committee, my next door neighbor has ALS, so I try to help their family when their burden is too great. I have a house to run. I have 1 husband, 2 children, 3 dogs, PLUS I have tennis!! Which I've cut down on quite a bit in the past 6 months.

Some people are superstars. They do way more than me and do it all to perfection. I, on the other hand, try my best to do as much as I can, but inevitably something's gotta give.

In my case, that's usually, the laundry, my children's bedtimes or serving a well balanced dinner to the family. I could give up getting 7.5 hours of sleep per night, to get more done, which would cause me to be a cranky biotch. In case you don't know what a biotch is...here's the Urban Dictionary definition.


1. Biotch: (noun) a woman of unsavory character traits pertaining to negative or even belligerent attitude (ie. a pain in the ass or a moody bitch)

I guess I could give up, tennis, or blogging, or being class mom. I could stick to cleaning the house and making healthy meals. There are worse things then that. I can't think of any right now, but I KNOW that there are.

Or, I could get a job from 9-2 while the girls are at school. What kind of job? Who knows. I worked in the entertainment industry, in NYC before I had kids. NOT a 9-2 profession. Damn. Why didn't I get a nursing degree??? (Other than the fact that I'm squeamish and HATE needles and blood.)

But seriously. I AM in a funk. I'm a little scared about the economy. I see so many families under so much stress. It's really freaking me out.

How about you? Are you feeling the funk?

One more thing...when I say I was in the "entertainment" industry. I do not mean prostitution or stripping. (Although if I had bigger boobs I'd consider it at this point. As long as I can drop my kids at school at 8:40 and pick them up at 3:05, I'm cool.)

As I said before, these are tough times. We pampered housewives have to do our part to help our families survive.

Now that I've said my part...I'm going to enable comment moderation. You people scare me!! :)

At peace with my bike, on a mountain with my Peace?

A pic from last week's mini epic up Camp Mt Road. Nasty burger.


I'm sure by now you've heard the horrible story of the Maryland family of 5 who perished in a murder-suicide last week. Francis Billotti Wood, the childrens' mother was a fellow blogger.

I read her blog, and she was an wonderful person. I was so inspired by her positive outlook. She was an amazing mother and a thoughtful, intelligent woman. What a terrible loss.

The name of her blog is What Am I Supposed To Do Now? She had a charity that she supported on the page...

The BIG Sweep, a program of Volunteer Frederick, turns trash into cash for area nonprofits. Structured like a walk-a-thon, participants collect sponsorships on behalf of their organization, but instead of walking, they pick up trash from Frederick County roads, streams, and parks. Over the past seven years, BIG Sweep volunteers have cleaned up 115 tons of trash and recyclables, almost 3400 tires and many truckloads of bulk items while raising more than $270,000 for their organizations. Thank you for helping to make this year’s BIG Sweep the best yet!

If you have it in your heart, please donate to this worthy cause in memory of a fellow blogger.

A weekend at Funya.

This weekend was really all about dirt. Last night I was—as I am so frequently—very close to comatose lying on the couch, but grinning smugly with the satisfaction that only a good weekend can bring.

Sure, I had a creeper for four or so hours on Saturday, in which I thought I could not ride any slower (Aiden assures me that it 'wasn't that bad' and that he's 'seen me ride slower"...). But anyway, eventually, after over four hours of minimal talking we got home and I tried to do some deserved couch time (those Samford pony trails are killer!).

Ended up getting dirty again, this time just hanging out with Glen and Aido at the workshop, sprucing up my 1spd while they swap cranks on Glen's race bike.

Sunday...I was a bit worried that my dead-legged fatigue of the previous day would be compounded and be experienced as pure torture.

Alas, geeing myself up on the 1spd with the Mattus the rattus and DH, it all ended up okay and didn't feel too shabby! Those guys hadn't experienced Funya, so we did the whirlwind tour followed by coffee and chamois time at Grub St, which is a really cute little cafe up the road.

Alas, though out for less than three hours and having a spiffy time on Stevie (who invented gears anyway? They suck.) I was decidedly bombed out that afternoon, spending my time on the couch, watching sad television productions such as The Biggest Loser.

Sad, I know. But a sign of a well-used weekend!

I have other things to be doing, obviously

I love Waffle House, and I spend a particular portion of my pittance of an income there each week. And my tips are always inflated by at least 200%. Since I'm stimulating the economy right there at WaHo in the middle of nowhere in the southern states, I deserve the best dadgum service ever. Not that I have any objection to it, but why is it that I always have weird experiences there? Back in the 90s, the waitress threw silverware at us instead of placing it down. Last year, my roommate and I went at 2:30 in the morning, and we were greeted by the petite youngish lady with "How the fuck are you?" in a very perky voice. Tonight, another friend and I were eating there and I ordered an extra side of eggs. The waitress starts to cook them, and there's pounding at the window. I look around worried, just knowing we're about to be victims in a bullet-fueled personal feud between two disgruntled rednecks. Turns out it's the cook on his smoke break, perturbed that the waitress is taking over his job with one simple order. Well, he then decides to swap out his smoking location for different scenery. So my friend and I are picking up our conversation when all of a sudden, a big burly backside appears in our window. Not near us, but RIGHT IN OUR OWN SECTION OF THE WINDOW. Why can't I help but feel that this was deliberate?
Unfortunately he moved off before we could take a picture.

Faster Isn't Always Better

Have you heard about the "Slow Family Living Movement?" I think it's brilliant.

Check out their website.

This is their manifesto:

The Slow Family Movement is a revolution in the way we think about, embrace and implement family living.

It was born out of our belief that family life is being hijacked by society’s messages that more is better, faster is greater and that you and your children are at risk of being left behind, unless you buy in NOW.

It is about allowing family life to unfold in a way that is joyfully and consciously connected. This means slowing it down, finding comfort in the home, and creating the space to see and honor the family as an entity, while simultaneously keeping sight of each member as a unique and valuable individual.

We believe that family life can serve as the incubator for deeper compassion, creativity, love, harmony, humor, appreciation, respect, fun, ingenuity, conflict resolution, peace, friendship, growth, communication and, perhaps above all else, true, unending and powerful joy.

As we intentionally give value and space to family life, we are thereby creating a force — with a sum greater than its parts — that can then flow out into the local and the global communities.

We hold this as truth, that the peace and the harmony we want to exist within the world, can be created within the family first, by bringing it home and lovingly, consciously and intentionally slowing life down.

Granted, it's tempting to get sucked into over scheduling our children and feeling that we need to keep up with the Joneses. But if it's tearing our families apart psychologically and financially, it's worth considering.

What do you think??

Live and Learn

I learned a very valuable lesson this week. If you brag about how smokin' your butt looks, you'd better have some visuals to support it!

I will be coordinating at photo shoot (at my convenience) to show you my heinie in my new Lucky Brand Jeans. I might even go so far as to show you some of my ill fitting jeans to illustrate the difference these new garments have made in my life.

Don't get too excited yet. There's a great deal of planning that goes into a photo shoot. I need to get a photographer, a stylist, find someone to do my hair and makeup and rent some studio space. After the shoot, I'll need to crop and retouch the photos. THEN and only then, they will be ready to publish. I don't take this assignment lightly people. I'm a perfectionist, damn it.

Stay tuned.

SSing, working, creeping!

Today we did a mini-epic ride, which would have been much more enjoyable had I not ripped around Gap Creek on the SS yesterday eve, following 9 hours running around a cafe!

But it's all fun and games. Aiden is convinced that this kind of grovelling (today's kind) makes you strong. As long as you don't lose the plot.

Which I didn't really, until I smashed into a fence and wrapped myself and my bike around it. My chubby rolled ankle is now even chubbier, and hurts. This is a pain, as it was all good before that...well it was for an hour until I began to grovel, which lasted for three more ours then I was home. Eep.

Anyway. That's it. I need to go drink some water, mefeels like I ave sunstroke!

It's all in the jeans...

I've always heard that Lucky Brand Jeans are awesome. But I hated the idea of paying $100 for a pair of jeans. ( I know that's pretty much the standard price, but I'm cheap that way.)

Anyway, Jill at Jillian Inc. was kind enough to post an awesome coupon code for 40% off all Lucky Brand items. I took that little code over to my local Lucky Brand Store and snagged myself a couple of adorable pairs of jeans.

The salesgirl was so great. First of all, she commanded me to remove the ill fitting pair of Ann Taylor Loft wide legged jeans I was sporting. I obeyed. I then proceeded to try on piles of styles in various cuts and sizes. After much deliberation, this is what I ended up with...

Zoe Bootleg

Maryland Classic Rider

No these are not pictures of my ass, although I have to say, my almost 44 year old butt looks pretty good in my new Lucky Jeans!!!

I love them! They are so flattering and the denim is soft. I might never buy cheap jeans again!

I'm So Proud of Me!!!

What have I done today??? A better question would be what HAVEN'T I done today!

I think all my green juice and Mona Vie consumption is paying off. I cleaned my house from top to bottom, did multiple loads of laundry. I called the police about a suspicious white van on my street. (Details to follow)...I paid bills, brought clothes to Goodwill, AND I switched my car insurance to Geico and saved $500 a year.

The day isn't even over yet! Can I keep up the momentum? I pray that the answer is YES.

Isn't the dude in my picture annoying? Guess what? I'm 10 times as annoying as him right now. I hope I don't crash and burn.


What's In A Name?

I am a person who bores easily, so it shocks me that I've kept my blog design for as long as I did. As much as I love it, I wanted to play around with it so badly!! But I resisted. Same goes with my blog name. Caffeine Court. I'm sick of it.

My husband is in the advertising field and he has continually discouraged me from making too many changes to the design. Since the coffee cup and tennis ball are my "brand" it would probably be dumb to change it. Considering all the money I make off my advertisers, I didn't want to mess with a good thing. (Yeah right.)

So, I kept the name, and the basic look of the blog. But that didn't stop me from compiling a list of alternative titles, just in case my A.D.H.D. kicks in and I can't control myself.

Here are a few of my ideas:

"Facebook and Twitter Obsessed Slacker Mom"

"Three Dog Life"

"Green Juice Court"

"Immature Matriarch"

"Jersey Girl and The Ad Man"

and the most appropriate title now that my blog has been outed..

"Keepin' It Bland"

My apologies to anyone who has a blog name similar to one of my ideas. Remember what they say ladies...imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery.

Footnote: I would never SERIOUSLY copy any one's blog name. If and when I change the name of the blog, I'll come up with something original. After all, Plagiarism is a breach of blogging ethics and I will have no part of it. :)

Happy Monday!

K's and SSing, rain and smashing into cars.

This long weekend thing is great. haven't worked since Wednesday, which all in all has been a good thing considering Aido smashed into a car on Thursday morning. It's perhaps the worst phone call you could ever imagine, "hi, I don't know you but my name is Nerrilee and your fiance Aiden has just been in an accident". At this stage the world starst blurring a litte bit, and I hardly eve took in the "he's fine, the ambulance is coming, he may have broken his hip, though...".

Panic mode 101, fling myself into clothing from my pyjamas and super commute (on the footpath...) down to the accident site at Bank St. after a long, painful (for me, at least) trip to, and wait at te hospital, Aido is cleared, merely sorry and very sore. Phew! No broken hip! However, the black lightning will not ride again :( He has a manky thumb as well, which still has no feeling in it...very strange...

Anyway, considering that the 'lightning was snapped in several places, completely written off, I consider him so lucky! We are both counting our blessings after that.

That was Thursday. Friday consisted of doing some K's, Mt Mee and Dayboro etc. Saturday was much the same, with a few more Mt Mee's thrown into the equation to get the K's up!

I made a kick-ass frittata for lunch that day—my wonderful Nan came over. It's pretty special hanging out with my nan, she's soon-to-be 90, and is an amazing woman, so I always get excited whn nan schlepps up from Newc's. Following the copious amounts of washing up that having people over in our house entails (our sink is the size of a bucket: our bench-space prioritised by coffee machines, grinder and toaster, with no room for anything else!), Aido's friends Chris and Barb Varx and their two kids came to stay the night.

They're really awesome, but they certainly highlight the juxtaposition between having a family with two young teenage kids and just the two of us, Mondo and far too many bikes!

Anyhoo, it has been raining and raining, so I decided to take the bombproof truck out for a ride, which is always fun, especially doing fire-road bergs. It's amazing how slow you can pedal and still keep upright, even though you may next to standstill! hooray for Stevie the truck!


I'm still on vacation, but I'd like to take a moment to draw your attention to my new and improved blog design!

Courtney at Judith Shakes Designs gave my header a little punch of color and a sexy, skinnier version of me!!

If you want to give your blog a little makeover, you should see Courtney. She's the best.

I'll be back to my laptop on Monday. In the meantime, have a very Happy Easter.

From Adelaide...a week in arrears.

We are in Adelaide. I have decided that I really like Adelaide—it’s quite like Canberra but not crap. There are beaches and mountains and I quite dig it, really. Except for the dry climate, the excruciatingly hot summers and bitter winters, I would totally live here!

It’s Aidooz brother Jordan’s wedding and we are here for a fleeting two nights. Booked in a 5-star hotel in Radelaide-town (which is actually a bit daggy—very early-90s d├ęcor including lots of mirrors and brown timber with black varnish…not really a fan).
Basically, we have eaten lunch, gone for a ride in the Adelaide foothills, and are now hanging around in our hotel room trying to decide what to eat for dinner, but completely legless after far too much expensive wine the spa…as you do.

Did you know that most wine has traces of wither egg or shellfish/crustacea, totally gross I know. Now I can’t bear to look at a glass of wine for fear that it will have a prawn-y aftertase. Guh-ross.

I am drinking this 2007 Scotchman’s Hill $50 Pinot Noir with my fingers pinching my nose as I glug it down (is that sacrilegious? Give me a beer any day—as long as it’s not XXXX, Toohey’s New, anything Tooheys, VB or that non-carbohydrate “Bighead” beer from Burleigh Brewing co—YUK!).

Anyway, singlespeeded yesterday, though I was a bit sad because there was no off-road singlespeeding, just commuting. I did beat some supercommuters up hills though—several! And worked on my awesome monohopping skills. Hurrah for fully rigid 29er singlespeeds! Oh dear...I am feeling like a hubbard after that...

The Yin and Yang of Blogging

It's Spring Break here in beautiful coastal NJ, so we are on the road. We hit the Big Apple yesterday, today it's Baltimore and tomorrow, D.C. I won't be able to blog...so here is one of my old posts.

Oh, and my blog is undergoing a bit of a redesign, stay tuned. I'll be unveiling my new look real soon!

This whole "blogging thing" has turned out to be so much more than I anticipated. I've always loved writing. In my twenties when I was performing with a comedy troupe in NY my favorite part of the whole experience was the writing. The performing I could have done without! There was no bigger thrill for me than to write a funny sketch and then have some of my incredibly talented and hilarious friends act it out.

Now, many years later I have stumbled upon a way to write about all sorts of subjects. (Funny or not.) I can then post them on the computer and actually get feedback from my audience! (Without the risk of going on a stage and COMPLETELY putting my ass on the line!) What a brilliant concept!

The added bonus is that there are so many fascinating blogs to be read! It's a blessing and a curse. A blessing because there is a never ending source of opinions to explore. A curse because there are only a few moments each day to actually check them out! Sometimes I wish there were 36 hours in a day! (Scratch that-that would mean more time for housework!)

Big Tennis Match Tonight!!

No not mine!! It's the big "Real Housewives" showdown. Ramona and Mario vs. Jill and ???

Can't wait!

They don't call it GREEN juice for nothin'!

As you know, my latest obsession is my consumption of green juice. I just returned from the market and I'm thinking the color of the juice isn't the only thing green about it. Healthy, organic, fruits and veggies are expensive!!

I just purchased ginger root, papaya, pineapple, fresh parsley, romaine lettuce, lemons, cucumbers, granny smith apples and raspberries. All delicious and packed full of vitamins, but can you say CHA CHING?? Ouch.

Couple that with the fact that my 10 year old lab has to get some dental work done or she'll be toothless. This little piece of canine maintenance is going to set us back $800 smackaroos.

Catch you guys later. I'm going to switch my car insurance to Geico, and and take all the money I save to the produce department.

What's YOUR Love Sign???

Are you into astrology? I'm not, but I used to read my horoscope every day.

My birthday is May 12th, which makes me a Taurus. Brad is August 16th, so he is a Leo.

People who are into astrology always look a little freaked out when they find out our zodiac signs. Apparently the Bull-Lion combo is a volatile one. I would have to agree. If you read this description it pretty much describes our dynamic.

Taurus Woman and Leo Man

The zodiac match between a Taurus woman and a Leo man has good chances of succeeding in the long run, if both of them are ready to compromise and be a little flexible. She will have to stroke his ego on a regular basis and let him have his way. At the same time, he will have to learn to respect her opinion too. She will also have to control her anger, since the Lion will, more often then not, be the center of attention. But then, he will shower her with loyalty, devotion, passion and romance. Not a bad match, if both of them agree to disagree.

When this twosome are putting each other through their passionate paces in the beautiful boudoir they couldn't be happier.Things will be torrentially torrid and tactile and stunningly sensuous. After all, Taurus is the sign of passion and Leo is one of the two signs of amour, so this cupid couple will find ecstasy and fantastic fulfillment in each other's arms.

There's only one problem.The moment they climb out of bed and descend from their emotional to the real world, everything can start to go woefully wrong, because they just refuse to see each other's point of view. They can both be intransigent and neither will give in to the other one.You see,they're both fixed signs.

Leos believe that they're right and they won't alter their original opinion no matter what you do or say. So, if these argumentative amourettes want their relationship to work, they've got to look in a dictionary to discover the meaning of all sorts of words, like compromise, diplomacy and flexibility.Otherwise, they'll find that words like love and loyalty don't mean much any more. Though they'll both keep plodding on with their partnership.

Brad is loyal, devoted, passionate and romantic lion married to a comfort seeking bull who enjoys being alone and does not liked to be pushed too hard. Sounds exhausting doesn't it? Never a dull moment in our house.

We've been married for almost 11 years so I've learned how to avoid some of the pitfalls of two stubborn souls running a house and raising a family. I've learned I don't always have to be right, and in the process I've become a better person.

Who says you can't teach an old bull new tricks?

How about you? What do the stars say about your relationship?

Oh and my juicer has arrived. I made the green juice and it's pretty good!! Even my daughters like it. Here's some video: Rachel Ray-WATCH OUT!

making green juice!! on 12seconds.tv

putting the stuff in the juicer!!! on 12seconds.tv

Yeah, I look fat in this one...which is why I'm drinking the GREEN JUICE.

the last of the green juice series no face today, I'm worn out on 12seconds.tv

Laura takes the Proust Questionnaire!

Michelle already took this thing, time for me to have a go at it.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
There being no cruelty of any kind, a free market economy in every country, and leisure time spent with family and friends.

What is your current state of mind?
Stressed, stressed, resigned to other people's apathy, and stressed.

What is your greatest fear?
Death and/or homelessness.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Laziness and/or the inability to shine under pressure.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

What is your greatest extravagance?
Impulse shopping.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

What is it that you most dislike?
Government-run economies and/or narrow-mindedness on the part of people who praise themselves for being sooo tolerant of others.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My inability to put on a look that would make other people fear me and my judgmental eyebrows. It's hard to look haughty with full cheeks.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Being a gentleman.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Not thinking she's better than me; give me attitude and I will cut you! (well, not really, but I'll think uncharitable thoughts about you.)

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
After myself (haha), my family and friends.

When and where were you happiest?
Every moment in which my family or friends have been happy.

Which talent would you most like to have?
Having my life under control and my paper written ahead of schedule.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Not doing more damage with my car than what I have accomplished so far.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Time travel powers. That way, I can keep making time so my papers will get finished!

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?
I want to be the person who makes the ding ding ding noise at the New York Stock Exchange.

What is your most treasured possession?
Black spandex bike shorts that I can wear when it's not practical to wear a slip.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
The inability to make things better for those who are suffering.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Being odd, or as a professor kindly put it, "She is her own person."

What do you most value in your friends?

Who are your favorite writers?
Jane Austen, Patrick O'Brian, P.J. O' Rourke, Christopher Buckley, William F. Buckley, Charles Dickens, and Tom Wolfe.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Either Jack Aubrey or Col. Brandon from Sense and Sensibility.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
John Adams.

Who are your heroes in real life?
My parents, Ron Paul, firefighters, cops, and most importantly, affordable and effective plumbers.

How would you like to die?
Never/Only after I've had a long, rewarding, and comfortable life/In my sleep/Without pain.

Fashion Faux Pas that Annoy Me

Let's face it: we live in a flawed world. And that extends to people's wardrobes. People you know. People you don't know. There have been horrible fashions since time immemorial, but the specimens I see every day only prove the laws regarding entropy.

1. Too many accessories, not enough fashion sense
Accessories can make an outfit. An elegant hair decoration, a chic belt, et cetera. Accessories can also destroy an outfit, especially when you pile them on. Think a belt of a completely different color, earrings, necklace, and two wristfuls of bangle bracelets, and a spring scarf for a winter outfit. Assembling this failure of an outfit unfortunately is part of the daily regime for one particular fashion offender I know...

2. Buying expensive heels for a dance and promptly ditching them in the corner
This was the standard practice for most of the girls during my high school years. So they'd have the hair overly done (updos where the hair is twisted and piled ad nauseum so the result is a mass of German pastry on a bobble-headed girl), tacky rhinestone dangle earrings, fake tan, an ill-fitting strapless pouf gown, and bare feet like a peasant. Heels accentuate an outfit and your posture. Not wearing them when you're dressed like Princess Cupcake throws the posture off and exposes you for the sow's ear purse redneck that you are.

3. White shoes with a dark outfit
It's generally known that unless your outfit is casual, you don't wear shoes that are lighter than your outfit, unless you're wearing black with red heels or something. One perpetrator that I ran into at an academic lecture where everyone was dressed up was wearing a black pinstripe suit with white ballet flats. With black scuff marks on them. Bless that person's heart, nobody else there cared, but I would have died from embarrassment if I was her.

4. Flouncy summery outfits in the dead of winter
It is not ok to wear seersucker when it's freezing, that goes against its purpose. Seersucker is a summer fabric because it keeps heat away from the body. That's the last thing you need in January. White peasant skirts are also a major no-no. I don't care if the white after Labor Day rule is over, wearing light and flouncy fabric just looks dumb when it's below freezing.

5. Fake tan
Seriously, who wants to look like an oompaloompa? And overbake is also just as bad. First of all, you're going to die of skin cancer. Secondly, when you bake yourself to a crisp, your skin is probably going to look weird with your natural hair and eye color.

6. "Look at me, I'm a citizen of the world!"
Wearing a skimpy tank top, no bra, a peasant skirt, and flipflops does NOT make you multicultural. It just makes you look disgusting. And no, adding a sparkly, beaded belt does not make you more authoritative on Indian culture.

7. Dressing up like a man because it's sooo edgy
You are not creative, you are not edgy, you are not challenging gender expectations when you wear a 3 piece suit to a dance and you're a girl. You are simply trying to get attention because you are secretly embittered that no guy asked you to said dance. This outfit choice is not flattering, it does not accentuate your body frame well.

8. The bump hairstyle
Fortunately this looks seems to have run its course, but within the past two years girls would comb back a portion of their hair, and bobby pin it loosely so there was this random bump of hair on the top of their heads. Needless to say, it looked idiotic.

9. Accessories/hairstyles that don't go with the outfit
If you are going to wear a casual outfit, wearing formal evening sandals with it makes it disjointed. Wearing gold with silver jewelry looks suspiciously like a late 80s Barbie Doll outfit that's still somewhere in my closet. Having a futuristic hairstyle, wrong color shoes, and a sports watch with an (albeit cheap material) formal dress breaks up the unified theme.

I can not stress this enough! Wearing fake designer stuff and then bragging about how it's real is always tacky. Unless you've managed to score some hilariously fake Chinese "Melvin Klein," stay far far far away!

Jumpin' on the green juice bandwagon...

I played tennis the other day against a girl who was awesome. It was quite a battle and we were both exhausted afterwards. In the end, she still beat me. It was rough. Bottom line is, even though I played well, she was in better shape than me.

One of the frustrating things abut playing a competitive sport is playing against people who can play and train more than me. Some of these ladies work out every day and play tennis 5 times a week. I'd actually like to do that, but then I wouldn't have the energy to do all the other tasks I have to complete every day.

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Anyway, my superhuman tennis buddy let me in on her "little secret." She claims that her tennis prowess is all due to her consumption of GREEN JUICE.

Have you heard about it? If not, here's the scoop.

Why It's Good:

This super-green, super good-for-you drink will give you a nice energy buzz and help detoxify your system. If this doesn't give your skin a lovely glow, we don't know what will.

Why It's Green:

Raw, organic vegetables are overloaded with vitamins C and E, folic acid, lycopene and alpha and betacarotene. Vitamin C and E are powerful antioxidants needed to maintain healthy cells; they prevent molecular DNA getting damaged by free radicals. When you choose organic vegetables, no only are pesticides and chemicals not getting into your body, but they are also not polluting the environment.

There's a whole bunch of variations on the recipe, here's one of them.

Donna Karan's Green Juice Recipe

The designer shared her recipe for this energizing, green juice when she appeared on The Martha Stewart Show.

  • 5 apples
  • ½ bunch celery
  • ½ bulb fennel
  • 1 cucumber
  • ½ head of romaine lettuce
  • 1 (1 to 2 inch) piece of ginger
  • 1 lemon peeled
  • 2 cups greens (kale, spinach or parsley)

1. Wash everything well.

2. Process in a juicer, then drink.

I ordered a Breville juicer from Amazon. It will be here in a few days, so I'll let you know if it changes my life after I've tried this magic concoction.

Who know, after drinking it I might just wake up at 5 am, go for a run and shower before the rest of the family gets up. I will then proceed to cook a healthy breakfast, drop the girls at school and run to the market for organic produce.

Then I'll go to my "job" (I'm sure I'll find a part time job which brings in big bucks after drinking the magic juice.) If I don't go to my high paying part time job, I'll go to a committee meeting, or volunteer at the girl's school.

After that I'll hop over to the tennis club for an hour of singles. Of course I'll win, because I'm drinking GREEN JUICE.

I'll pick the girl's up from school and bring them to their various activities, which they will excel at because they too will drink GREEN JUICE.

Then we'll go home and they will do their homework. IT will come easy to them, because they will be full of nutrients from the GREEN JUICE.

I'll cook a healthy dinner, clean up the kitchen, bathe the children and put them to bed. When they are safely tucked in, I'll drink some more GREEN JUICE, sit in a cozy chair and knit a blanket, which I will donate to a homeless shelter.

Maybe I'll even make my blog the top mommy blog on the internet. I'll bring in huge ad revenue, score a book deal and maybe even get my own talk show. When they ask how I did it, I'll tell the world about the magic powers of GREEN JUICE.

Stranger things have happened.

Now here's another of my short films. This one is called, "Catherine doing her "cool poses."

Catherine doing her "cool poses!" on 12seconds.tv

Pass the Dutchie!!

Create your own FACEinHOLE

What's in a name?

I'm sure you're familiar with this scenario:

You enter a store, wanting simply to find the stuff you are looking for, buy it, and leave. That's all you want. But no. That's not going to happen. Because as soon as you get three feet in the place, there's some obnoxiously scrawny employee who practically throws herself at you, opens her trap, and blurts out: HIIIII, welcome to "Overpriced, Insufficiently Creative Clothing Store"! My name is "Annoying late 80's trendy name or pretentiously androgynous name, something similar to Kylie/Skylar/Hyannis". If there's ANYTHING I can help you with, let me know!!! First of all, can't a simple, discreet "Hello, welcome to "Deliberately Slightly Depreciatingly Named, Higher Scale Clothing and Haberdashery Boutique catering to the right sort of people" suffice. She's an employee, it's generally understood that you'll be asking for help if it's needed. And really, do you honestly need to know her name? No. Her name is immaterial to you. You will not, and do not remember her name after she screams it. Her fake attempts at privileged intimacy are not impressive.

But how many of you have been subjected to this?
After practically assaulting you, you try to move on to the shelves/racks/layout to get that desired object. Instead of getting the picture, however, she FOLLOWS you. As you cringe and try to move away, she starts her own little Inquisition of 20-something year old perkiness: So what's your name? Are you finding everything you need? Are you from the area? Where are you interning? Oh wow, I'm an intern too at So and So's congressional office. Blah blah blah. Finally, you pick up the first damn thing that looks like what you wanted and run to the cashier. Only to be attacked once more because she's the one manning it. Just for you. And after she tries to get you to sign up for some stupid mailing list and cotton polyester blend enthusiast club, you run frantically to the door, followed by best wishes for the day and demands to return to buy their garbage.
Yes. This did happen to me at Pentagon City Mall's J.Crew. While extremes like this probably don't happen that often, it's basically understood that once you enter a store, you will meet a battalion of over-eager store clerks trying to show how much they care about YOU. When I've been in Madewell and Ann Taylor Loft recently, the cashier attendant even asks if/which store clerk helped you. And apparently if the worker nearest you didn't beat you over the head with 'courtesy,' he/she will get chewed out later on for not being courteous enough.
News Flash: I want to be left alone when I go to the store. If I wanted to become BFF with you, I'd approach you. Secondly, stop pretending to be so friendly by telling me your name. Thirdly, don't demand to know mine.

And on that matter, what is this weird obsession about first name basis only for EVERYTHING? Back in the day, you didn't splash your Christian name around. Workers went by Mr./Miss So-and-So. You introduced yourself that way until you knew the person better. I'm sure it has something to do with security, as it's easier for that creeper to find you online if he knows your last name. But I suspect it has something to do with the breakdown of barriers into today's society. We aren't allowed to withhold information, as soon as something happens, we're supposed to spread it to the world via Twitter, text messaging, etc. (But I will admit I rely on people doing this on Facebook. Don't judge me) If you don't want to tell the world something, you're being snooty. And so store workers are being forced more and more to present inclusiveness and show how welcoming and friendly they are. They think they're being polite. It just makes me want to punch them in the face. It's not polite to be a heinous bother. Now shut up, and go fold those polo shirts. That's what I need from you.

Let's try a little experiement...

For some inexplicable reason I was singing the "Pass the Dutchie" song by Musical Youth this morning. My daughters thought I was a little weird, so I showed them the video. They were strangely fascinated by it. When I went to turn it off, they asked to watch it AGAIN.

Very interesting.

I want you to try this with your children. Turn this on and let them watch it. I think you'll be amazed by their reaction.

So New Jersey...

...in a stereotypical way.

Here's my story. There is a little enclave of mafia families here in my town. I don't hobnob with them because most of their kids go to private schools.

Anyway, there is one guy who is especially notorious. He lives in a big stone mansion on the water with huge wrought iron gates up front. Right now he is under house arrest for a huge fuel oil scam he masterminded. He's wearing a monitor on his ankle.

Today I was driving by his house and I saw him for the first time!! It was classic. Pauly Walnuts hair, Tony Soprano build and wardrobe, straight out of central casting. Our eyes locked as I drove by and I got a little scared. I hope he doesn't whack me!!! ;0

Last year I worked as a volunteer for a local "Kitchen Tour" and I was stationed at a mafia house. This house did not have a speck of cedar shake, wainscoting or chintz. We're talking marble counter tops, statues and velvet.

I hung out with the "kitchen designer to the mob." His portfolio read like a who's who in waste management. He had about 200 "cousins" drop in, who didn't have tickets for the tour, but wanted to see the kitchen he designed. All the men were wearing gold chains and sweats and all the ladies had big hair, high heels and tight jeans. CLASSIC!!!

Lucky for me this little group is a small minority in my town, but they DO exist. Trust me. I've seen them up close.

I will conclude this post with another of my short films entitled..."Buddy Enjoying Peanut Butter." If you close your eyes and listen to the audio, it's kind of perverted!!!

Buddy enjoying peanut butter.... on 12seconds.tv

I hate April Fool's Day too!

Seriously, I do.

No, I'm not shutting down the blog, or Twitter, or even Facebook. I certainly would be a hell of alot more "productive" if I did, but I like living on the edge, so I will continue blogging, poking and tweeting. Now that I've discovered "12 Seconds" on Twitter, you might be seeing alot more of my amazing videos. Here's one of my newest productions, entitled: "My Kitchen."

trying out 12 seconds! here's my kitchen. on 12seconds.tv
How can I deprive you of fascinating stuff like this?


It's raining, which is surely a hint that I, too, am a little under the weather.

As probably mentioned several times before, I don't bode well with rain—it makes me cold, gives me sniffles and most importantly, it stops me from doing the shit I want to do. And worse still, it's not just raining, but pouring with psychotic cyclonic winds as well! Even running to work in my snazzy rain jacket can't be done because I will inevitably be blown onto the road and die.

If I do a wind trainer, which surely seems to be the only remaining, sad, sad option, I will suffee a bit of brain-vegetablism that is so common on the trainer, but hey—at least it means you've done somthing.

Something else terrible has happened here, as well. We have run out of chai tea. So I am here drinking the lasy cup of chai tea that I can EVER make, until I get some new tea, and it's RAINING!

This is what the delightful weather-man has in store:

Showers Fri
H 26°C
L 21°C

Showers Sat
H 27°C
L 21°C

Showers Sun
H 28°C
L 21°C

Showers Mon
H 27°C
L 20°C

Weather man makes me angry

Good Bye

It is with great sadness that I write my final post.

I have decided to concentrate on the important things in life. Blogging is distracting me from my life's work.

I will be closing my Twitter and Facebook accounts also.

I will, however, keep my e-mail account. If you need to reach me I can be contacted at jillyou@verizon.net.

It's been fun.