Fashion Faux Pas that Annoy Me

Let's face it: we live in a flawed world. And that extends to people's wardrobes. People you know. People you don't know. There have been horrible fashions since time immemorial, but the specimens I see every day only prove the laws regarding entropy.

1. Too many accessories, not enough fashion sense
Accessories can make an outfit. An elegant hair decoration, a chic belt, et cetera. Accessories can also destroy an outfit, especially when you pile them on. Think a belt of a completely different color, earrings, necklace, and two wristfuls of bangle bracelets, and a spring scarf for a winter outfit. Assembling this failure of an outfit unfortunately is part of the daily regime for one particular fashion offender I know...

2. Buying expensive heels for a dance and promptly ditching them in the corner
This was the standard practice for most of the girls during my high school years. So they'd have the hair overly done (updos where the hair is twisted and piled ad nauseum so the result is a mass of German pastry on a bobble-headed girl), tacky rhinestone dangle earrings, fake tan, an ill-fitting strapless pouf gown, and bare feet like a peasant. Heels accentuate an outfit and your posture. Not wearing them when you're dressed like Princess Cupcake throws the posture off and exposes you for the sow's ear purse redneck that you are.

3. White shoes with a dark outfit
It's generally known that unless your outfit is casual, you don't wear shoes that are lighter than your outfit, unless you're wearing black with red heels or something. One perpetrator that I ran into at an academic lecture where everyone was dressed up was wearing a black pinstripe suit with white ballet flats. With black scuff marks on them. Bless that person's heart, nobody else there cared, but I would have died from embarrassment if I was her.

4. Flouncy summery outfits in the dead of winter
It is not ok to wear seersucker when it's freezing, that goes against its purpose. Seersucker is a summer fabric because it keeps heat away from the body. That's the last thing you need in January. White peasant skirts are also a major no-no. I don't care if the white after Labor Day rule is over, wearing light and flouncy fabric just looks dumb when it's below freezing.

5. Fake tan
Seriously, who wants to look like an oompaloompa? And overbake is also just as bad. First of all, you're going to die of skin cancer. Secondly, when you bake yourself to a crisp, your skin is probably going to look weird with your natural hair and eye color.

6. "Look at me, I'm a citizen of the world!"
Wearing a skimpy tank top, no bra, a peasant skirt, and flipflops does NOT make you multicultural. It just makes you look disgusting. And no, adding a sparkly, beaded belt does not make you more authoritative on Indian culture.

7. Dressing up like a man because it's sooo edgy
You are not creative, you are not edgy, you are not challenging gender expectations when you wear a 3 piece suit to a dance and you're a girl. You are simply trying to get attention because you are secretly embittered that no guy asked you to said dance. This outfit choice is not flattering, it does not accentuate your body frame well.

8. The bump hairstyle
Fortunately this looks seems to have run its course, but within the past two years girls would comb back a portion of their hair, and bobby pin it loosely so there was this random bump of hair on the top of their heads. Needless to say, it looked idiotic.

9. Accessories/hairstyles that don't go with the outfit
If you are going to wear a casual outfit, wearing formal evening sandals with it makes it disjointed. Wearing gold with silver jewelry looks suspiciously like a late 80s Barbie Doll outfit that's still somewhere in my closet. Having a futuristic hairstyle, wrong color shoes, and a sports watch with an (albeit cheap material) formal dress breaks up the unified theme.

I can not stress this enough! Wearing fake designer stuff and then bragging about how it's real is always tacky. Unless you've managed to score some hilariously fake Chinese "Melvin Klein," stay far far far away!