A Kinder, Gentler Confrontation

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were in Borders browsing through the books. I was checking out a table full of "relationship" books and I came across this beauty.

"Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love" (Relationship Repair in a Flash.)

This is a book of flash cards to use when you get in an argument with your significant other.

It's a very effective little tool, but of course, it made ME laugh. It cracked me up that I could run and grab some flash cards every time my husband and I have a heated disagreement.

My sisters and I have a way of fighting that in many cases, is FAR from politically correct, (it's the Jersey in us) so the idea of using these cards was preposterous to me, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. If I could only learn to react in such a calm and mature manner. My life would be so PEACEFUL!!!

Here are some examples of the flash cards:

Instead of saying, "I can't stand you! You are such a controlling bastard!!!" You say... "I realize I'm overreacting. Can you give me a minute to get sane again?"

Here are some other "go to" phrases to use in the heat of the moment.

"When you go on and on like that, I feel invisible to you."

"Even though I've been arguing my position like a crazy person, I can see where your point of view makes sense."

"What can I say that would make you feel understood?"

"I'm sorry if I acted like mine was the only reality."

"I treasure you."

"You are precious, and I get that I haven't been treating you like you are."

Go ahead, say them out loud.

Try using them the next time you get in an argument.

The worst thing that can happen is that you and you and your husband bust out laughing, and maybe even, forget what the heck you were fighting about in the first place.

I REALLY wanted to buy it, for pure entertainment, but my husband didn't want me to spend the money, so I got annoyed. I was about to say. "Don't be so cheap, it's only 10 bucks!!" But then I realized how destructive that would be, instead, I flipped to an appropriate card and responded, "Of course, I respect your opinion, and will abide by it."

I did, however, make a mental note to buy one at a later date, when I wasn't with him. (Do you see why we argue??!)

Later this afternoon, I'm going to go for it! I'm going to cruise on over to Borders to pick up a copy.

I might even pick a fight, just so I can use use it!!!

Good relationships take work, but you might as well have a good time while you're doing it.


I can't wait.