EASE IN ACQUISITION—3
Fairly scattered; even the chain I found it at carries it inconsistently.
Aesthetically, this is quite drab. The only reason it catches your attention is for the image of the unique administration inhaler thing on front, but it’s not enough to keep your interest after seeing the $2.99 price tag, and you move on—unless, of course, you happen to have entered into the gas station with a sibling who, having heard that these are really bad, is more than willing to fund the review of all three flavors.
As far as function is concerned, this is an absolute disaster. I assume the idea behind going the weird powder inhaler thingy route is convenience/ease of administration, but…it’s neither convenient nor easy. Opening it’s a cinch, but from there it’s not like you can dump it out in your mouth or anything—you’re supposed to “Draw [it] into your mouth”—which basically means trying to suck it in just using the power of your cheeks, all the while trying to keep from aspirating it—which isn’t as easy as it sounds. To top it off, it took me a couple of minutes to get it all out (spurt by spurt), so even if you manage to not inhale it, it takes you so long that you might as well go with an energy drink or shot (as soon as I find one that I really like, I’ll let you know)—heck, downing a BFC Monster is more convenient than this.
Bottom line is the idea’s a complete bust. Better make a powder that you can mix into water or a shot or something like that—but this was just terrible.
The process of actually ingesting this powder was one of the most vile, repulsive, stomach-churning experiences I’ve had since I was compelled to eat some sort of cow organ (I think it was a pancreas or spleen…) when I was in Guatemala. Given how small the actual quantity of powder is (about ½ teaspoon) it shouldn’t surprise me that it tastes so bad, but it’s kind of hard to prepare yourself for the onslaught of caffeine, b-vitamins, artificial sweeteners, and bad fake apple flavoring that comes—the tastes of the first three dominate; the fourth is more of an insulting afterthought than anything else. The first hit very nearly made me sick to my stomach, but what was worse was having to draw it in time after time after time because the stupid drawing process yielded so little of the inhaler’s contents. After two minutes, I was quite ready to retch—only superior control over my gag reflex (which helped me keep down the mystery cow organ) kept me from doing so.
I’ll keep going with the rest of the review, but if you’re reading this on your phone or something and are needing to make a quick decision, I’ll tell you right now that it’s not worth it. It’s been a few days and I still shudder at the thought.
It’s a pity that this stuff tastes so bad, because it kicks so nicely. The effects have a pleasant way of building up to a nice, jittery level of energy that’s quite conducive to running errands and buzzing about whatever else needs doing. If they could make this 1) easy to take, 2) not so obscene, and 3) less expensive, I’d be quite happy to do this again.
I almost got four hours of energy out of this, after which I didn’t crash, but definitely felt sleepy again—though that probably depended more on my level of fatigue than anything else. But the lack of crash was nice.
THE PRODUCT OVERALL—5.67
The kick is really nice, but getting through the difficulty in administration and repugnant flavor to experience it is like slaying an enormous, fire-breathing dragon only to have the princess you rescue reward you with a high-five for your troubles—the high-five itself is cool, but not worth the trouble by a long shot. This is an abysmal energy product, and deserves an eternity on the shelves of Big Lots for trying to impose itself upon the world. Avoid at all costs.
KEYWORDS: Aeroshot Energy Green Apple review