Mommy has a Potty Mouth

I've got a problem. I realized it the other day when a friend of mine at tennis told me about yet another mean thing my ex team captain did to a fellow player.

I got pretty fired up and admitted that I think this woman is a total bitch who is mean and fucks people over after she lies to their face. As I made my opinions known, I noticed that my friend's eyes bulged out every time I let loose one of my crude expletives. Since I know she doesn't have some weird disease that causes her eyes to pop in and out in a rhythmic fashion, I assume it was a reaction to my foul mouth.

She was in total agreement with me, but she used much gentler words to express her displeasure with this particular person.

As this woman recoiled at my harsh language I could hear my husband's voice. "You're a mom, stop cursing so much." As much as I hate to admit it, the man does have a valid point.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't curse in church (when I go), at my children's school, or in front of my children's friends. It's usually done when I'm not thinking or when I feel comfortable with another person.

Here are some examples...I curse in the car..."That DOUCHEBAG cut me off!" I do it when the dog shits (that's right SHITS) on the floor..."FUCK!!!" When I hurt myself I don't scream "Ouch!" Instead I yell.. "GOD DAMN it!!

It's not very becoming.

It is fun though. I really enjoy doing it. Getting drunk is fun too. But the hangover the next day sure isn't.

Sooo, in my ongoing quest for self improvement I'm going to make a concerted effort to be a lady. I am a relatively intelligent, albeit undisciplined woman, who has a large vocabulary. I can surely find other words to convey my anger or displeasure.

So the next time an inconsiderate oaf cuts in front of me on the Parkway, you will hear me exclaim, "How reckless!! Learn the proper merging technique, you half-witted imbecile!!"

Doesn't that sound grown up?